New York… Gleason’s… My home… Eddie wish you were here!
It is approaching September 11th and I am back in what I call home, New York City. September 11th is and will always be a special day for me and I think I share that with many people. I always try to be in NYC around 09/11, I guess it’s my way of paying respect… That’s important to me.But, this time, I am in NYC for a few reasons, of which I will only discuss one in this blog. ONE MORE ROUND, I am still on my journey that started December 31st, 2012. The journey that will hopefully transform me mentally and physically. The journey that will hopefully help me find peace in my heart and mind.
I am here to train in the legendary boxing gym, Gleason’s Boxing gym in Brooklyn… This is where I trained when Eddie and I made it to the finals of the 1993 New York State Golden Gloves.
Being in this gym stirs up feelings: Missing Eddie, Loneliness and Fear.
Eddie How I wish you could be here on this journey with me. I know you are up there watching over me, but I miss you so much and I just wish you were here with me. It’d be nice to glance over to you while I am working out and see you make those faces, that basically say, “ I don’t know why you are looking at me, we are not stopping so just keep doing what you’re doing.”
- Getting off the subway stop on High Street, where we would get off and go to the gym.
- Walking around the old neighborhood. Front Street is not the same. It became very Yuppy, I guess the neighborhood is nicer but I like it the old way where Brooklyn felt raw and dangerous.
- Passing your favorite pizzeria, I remember walking after the workout before we got back on the subway and you always ordered, “two sicilian slices with extra cheese and pepperoni,” – you made sure you packed salt and pepper on it. I’d watch with such envy as you bit into your slice and cheese would spread all over. Your face would show such satisfaction but I had to watch my weight so no pizza for me.
- I miss our talks!
Remember the trainer Hector Roca? He is training me this week. I sparred under his guidance for the first time in 20 years. I need a lot of work but mostly need to get in tip top shape and lose another 25 lbs. I mostly worked defense as I was in no shape to punch or get out of my own way.
Every night that I have been here, I have been walking the streets of Manhattan around 5am for an hour… The loneliness comes crushing hard and the fear of failure is smacking me in the face every day. I walk around and I have this daydream that I am in the ring and I can’t punch no matter how much I try. My power is gone, my speed is gone and my legs can’t take me anywhere. Than the ultimate fear comes back… Will my demons get the best of me again? Will I get so nervous, so afraid that I won’t be able to control the fire? I hope not… I will not let it!
I have been given One More Round at life and as God as my witness I am going to take it! I will eat right, I will run, I will work out harder and smarter than ever, I will sleep enough hours, I will face my demons, I will control my rage and I will heal the boy inside me that needs healing. I will conquer all of these tasks and more in order for me to get in that ring and fight the fight that will end all fights. The fight I have perpetually been fighting for the last 44 years of my life. I love you Eddie and I won’t let you down but most of all I won’t let myself down this time!